goodbye old white shoes

hello new white shoes

I have always had a hard time with goodbyes.  The first time I went to a sleep away camp without my mother, I was miserable.  When I was 5 and my brother's best friend was moving, I hid in the linen closet and cried when he came over to say his goodbyes. After every visit from my grandparents, I would weep like it was the last time I would see them. This month has been laden with more goodbyes than I am used to. And it's not as if they are the forever kind of goodbyes. I realize this.  It will all just take a lot of adjustment.  And possibly a therapist to help me cope with my newly formed abandonment issues.           Now, from a safe distance (you can't throw fish boxes or pans if you're not in my kitchen anymore) I will say thank you to Chef. So, Thank You. Whether you want to admit it or not, you have been awesome. You have shown patience, and kindness, (at this point, I am looking over my shoulder for imaginary projectiles) and been a mentor to me for the past 3 years. Really. Thank you.          So, with all the crazy changes, I am given a chance to grow and show everyone that I may be goofy, but I'm good at what I do. And I will only get better. Yeah.

There is no question as to where my outlook on life stems. There is no question as to why I strive for things creative. There is no question as to who I try to mirror myself after. 

 My mother (now, undoubtedly deemed the world's greatest grandmother) showed up at my doorstep with what she called the "Sugarplum Fairy Tree." It is in fact a 6 foot, brightly colored tree dripping with candy. Not the boring cinnamon hard candies, or ordinary red and white striped peppermint candy canes, but neon saltwater taffies, candy jewelry, chocolate coins, and tootsie pops. The only candy canes on the tree are rainbow colored. I'm not exaggerating, either. This tree could have easily been pilfered from the set of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Remember the scene in the "chocolate room?" The one where Willy Wonka sings the Pure Imagination song? Yeah. That's the one. So, thank you momma. Thank you for the candy. Thank you for being an amazing, artistic, imaginative, selfless person. I am who I am because of you.

Oh, and thank you for the mad sugar rush that ensued shortly after the tree arrived.

It's official. Yes. Woo. Just call me Seuss Chef. Or I guess Sous Chef would be more fitting. Oh yeah.

I am filled with gratitude. My life is chaotically beautiful. I am overly blessed.  I am  not going to be creative in this post.  Instead, I am going to fall back on the cliche and  list a few of the things I am thankful for. But, just a few. There simply isn't enough time to compile a complete list. It would have to be broken into volumes. Yeah. So here's a compacted list:

• Family who love me. 
• Friends who are constant.
• Beautiful food.
• Guidance.
• Comfort.
• Hysterical laughter spilling from five not-so-tiny-anymore boys.
• The large black dog that meets me at the door (and nearly knocks me over) every time I get home.
• The exhausting mental work done by my husband to ensure a stable future for our family.
• My new memory foam mattress with individually wrapped coils, which  induces an immediate nap upon contact, and the down comforter my sweet husband unknowingly will be getting me for Christmas.

I am really tired of sounding like a frog. I had bronchitis about two weeks ago. I went to the doctor, (which means it was pretty bad, because I don't go to the doctor), who loaded me up with pills, and the bronchitis went away. Unfortunately, the frog voice has remained. One of my three year olds asked me to "sing the sunshine song." I said "I can't sing the sunshine song baby, I have a frog voice." His sweet three year old reply "Ok. Sing it in a frog voice momma." Very frustrating that I can't even sing to my babies. Definately not awesome.

So Starbucks has some pretty tasty seasonal drink choices available right now. I am in love with the Egg Nog Chai. Yummmm. As it may or may not be known, wanting to drink two or even three of these drinks a day and actually having enough cash to do so, are two very different things. Before work a couple of mornings ago (yes before work. I'm talkin wee hours of the morning here) I stopped by my local 24 hr grocery store and purchased a few items that have not only saved me money, but provided me with a bit of happiness, too. I bought a couple of jugs-o-egg-nog and a box of chai tea bags. Woo egg nog chai. So sorry Starbucks. My money will be going toward more important things (like new white work shoes. Oh yeah.). Definitely awesome.

I have been cooking on the line in a French bistro for three years now.  Recently I decided I needed to step up my game and procure the title of  Sous Chef. The intention was not necessarily to become Sous of the kitchen I have become so acquainted with.  In fact, having the two Sous spots at my current job filled, I  actually was thinking the title would have to come from a different restaurant. Last week bittersweet news arose.  The amazing Sous/pastry Chef/world-king-awesome-friend-who-has-my-utmost-respect-and-gratitude, whom I have worked with for the past three years. is moving up and out. She unabashedly (and rightfully so) won over some pretty big name restauranteurs/chefs and now has an amazing new job of which she starts at the end of this month.( http://www.pegasusnews.com/news/2011/sep/12/oak-restaurant-dallas-design-district-hires-ex-man/ ) I have gained so much from this lady that I can't even begin to express my thanks to her. Because of her, not only have I grown in my knowledge of the kitchen and its workings, but I have been given unconditional support and friendship as well. I have yet to actually dwell on the thought that I will no longer be able to spend the mornings acting a fool with and actually enjoying being at work with her. I am so incredibly proud of her, and in no way surprised that this amazing opportunity has found her. (By the way Chef G, we may both be busier than we've ever been in our lives, but don't think just because you're now a fancy smancy restaurant chef that I'm no longer gonna be around. Oh I'll be around. You can't get rid of me that easily. Muhahaha!) So there's some happy and some sad and then there's the uncertain. The uncertain comes from the fact that there is now an unfilled Sous position at my job. I in no way want to step on toes or claim I "deserve" this opportunity, but I want it. I applied online for the position this evening (which seems a little odd) and now I sit and wait. Or stew and wait, as it may be. How awesome it would be to have a couple of days off. And how awesome it would be to be able to be Sous in the kitchen that has been my home for the past few years.  I can only hope that the employment powers that be fully recognize my loyalty and determination and perseverance and all the other characteristics I would like to think that I posses that would make me the optimal choice (*wink*).

I am really astounded by how fast these past few weeks have gone by. Really. Thanksgiving will be here soon and I still have the giant spider and skeleton windsock in the front yard. "I am thankful for creepy yard decorations." But that will only carry me through November. Once December rolls around, I could put Santa hats on them. Or I suppose I could lug the ladder into the front and take them down. Sigh. I spent entirely too long today away from my home. Hubby didn't have to go to school until later than usual. This is a good thing. Bad thing is that I was stuck at the oil change place with a car LONG overdue for a change, and a hungry 4th grader, instead of spending valuable time with my husband whom I very rarely get to see. After finishing a lengthy and boring list of to-do things, I was in no mood to make dinner. Sad. Very sad. Standing in the to-go line at the local pizza place wearing my chef whites. I either looked lazy or like a phony. Just my Halloween costume. I swear. And to think, there was once a life before 70 hour work weeks, when I had the energy to come home and make pizza dough. I will be there again. Soon.

Trick or Treat!

Well, goodbye October. You were definitely a full month. Here is a montage of pictures recording some of the exhausting, hectic, and amazing days you gave me.

Bruvers!

 Birthday!

Thanks a lot sick on my birthday

 Another Birthday!

Creepy crafts

Yeah I wore it to work!

Bathroom reconstruction

Yet Another Birthday

State Fair of Texas

Fitz and the Tantrums

World King Awesome Night!

My sweet girls

Tweedles

My other sweet girls

I am comfortable in my zone. Hence, the term "comfort zone". My zone, however, has been an amorphous area for quite a while now. Things seem to be in constant motion.  Crazy as it may seem, I am finding myself more at ease in these turbulent waters. As my busy-as-me-but-in-different-ways husband says "There is a light at the end of this tunnel." There will, at some point in the future, be a time when my average night of sleep consists of more than 3 hours. There will be a time when I get to see my husband for more than 30 minutes at a time. There will be a time when my children will be able to look back on now, and know they were loved and provided for. I can only hope that  they recognize that the piano lessons, scouts, church, library trips with dad, cookie baking, craft making, homework completing, family trips to the grocery store, and all the other bits of hoopla are not out of obligation, but out of preference. I may be tired, and occasionally on the grumpster side, but I am not going to stop if there is something else I am capable of doing for my family.

                                                   INTERMISSION






Next topic on my agenda for this evening is actually related to the first. Comfort Zone.  I am in the process of picking up my heavy foot and dragging it over the line.  Yeah, actually stepping out of this zone. I am planning on updating my resume and earnestly seeking a job a little higher on the ladder. And I am scared to death. I know I am awesome at what I do. I know I have the experience (and the degree) to expect better. I know there is nothing that I cannot learn to do, if I do not already know how to do it, but I am still shakin in my boots (or kitchen clogs, as the case may be) at the thought of "moving on". I cannot even begin to express the gratitude I have for the people I have been blessed to work with (some of whom will not hear the end of me, even if we no longer work together). Don't get me wrong, I haven't even applied anywhere else yet, so this is definitely not an immediate change, but I think I have climbed to the summit of my current job. I am ready to start the ascension in another kitchen. Yes. Woo.

If I were thinking clearly, I would have been wise enough to get out of bed, even though it was 6 am and I had fallen asleep roughly 3.5 hours earlier (after a 20 hr work day, no less). If I were thinking clearly, I would have been wise enough to get the VERY AWAKE twins some cereal as per their request. Alas, I was tired. I was not thinking clearly. I unwisely told the pair of three year olds that I would get them something to eat "in a little while" and to go play in their room for a little bit. I REALLY should have known better.

No worries. I found that if the tile is mopped 3 or so times, the floor is noticeably less sticky. And the festive feeling of fall-ness is keeping my spirits up. The boys and I crafted a giant spiderweb out of 100 ft of rope and    

hung it in the tree out front with an accompanying ginormous spider. The return of candy corn to the local grocery stores is pretty darn great, too. Oh, and it looks as though I am actually going to get 2 days off this month. Well, kind of. I will work the a.m. at one job, but took the p.m. off from the other, so we can take the boys to the State Fair. I am stoked. Woo.

I cannot even believe it is already October!! Fall is my favorite season. I love that the weather is cooling down enough to leave the windows open. I love putting up fall wreaths and buying pumpkins. I love that I can spray the "Harvest Spice" air fresheners all over my home and not get funny sideways judging looks from anyone who comes in the house. And there are copious amounts of birthdays to celebrate. Woo. Birthdays. Woo. Hopefully this month I will take a few more days off than I did last month. My days off of work grand total for the month of September...... ONE. Well, 1.5 because I took a half day, but I'm not counting that because I came home, did dishes and laundry, took out the trash, mowed the lawn, and then picked the boys up from school. So grand total stays at 1. Come on October, bring your worst. I'm armed with a fall leaf garland and a pumpkin scented candle.

This has been a long week. As my weeks seem to grow longer, I find myself dependent upon a few things:

1. Energy drinks. (bad, I know)
2. Silly texts from my husband.
3. Camaraderie of fellow like-minded cohorts.
4. Good music- which is actually the driving force behind not only my constant crazy dancing and occasional singing, but also the driving force behind my blog post this evening.

I have discovered a new band to love. They are awesome and make me want to dance. Check them out.http://youtu.be/81c3nn-7EUU

And if you happen to be in Dallas October 26, they will be playing at the House of Blues.
You bet your life I'm going to be there. And I will be dancing my booty off, guaranteed.

If only the easiest things in life were also the most rewarding. We'd all have it made. Too bad that's not the plan.

So I think I'm an organization junkie. I have a hard time saying no to the little foldable bins I find at the 99 cent store. I enjoy putting things of like qualities in boxes and bags. I write lists. My closet is color coordinated. I get cranky when I find markers in the snap top box designated to hold crayons. I believe that everything has a place and everything should be in that place (preferably in alphabetical or chronological order). Granted, I do have 5 children, a sometimes absent minded (but brilliant, funny, AND sexy) husband, and 2 jobs, so there are many an evening when the laundry stays unfolded, the board games stay out of their boxes, and the markers stay in the snap top box designated to hold crayons. I would like to think that at some time in the future, I will have a home of Martha Stewartian charm and standard. Ok, maybe not THAT organized, but I'd at least like to have a place for all of the random necessities that have accumulated along my counter tops and dressers. And NO, more "junk drawers" are not options.

At work today I was slightly vexed. Ok, ok, I was PEEVED. I was off for 3 days in a row, and it was obvious. I am not trying to ring my own bell, or toot my own horn, or play any other musical instruments, but I could definitely tell there was not much love put in by the surrogate food handler. I do what I do because, yes it brings in bill paying means, but because it makes me happy. I was at job #2 this weekend and got to make a succotash.    It had vibrant yellow corn and green field peas, beautiful red onions, red bell peppers, poblanos, and smelled of bacon and freshness and love.  I was nearly overwhelmed by the huge pot bubbling in front of me. I love to be around food. I love to see the amazing and beautiful things that can be created using different edibles. I love to be a part of that creation. I cannot imagine the mind frame of someone who has CHOSEN to be in my profession and has no respect for the kitchen that they call home or the food that they are entrusted with. If you have no true passion for the job, you have no place in the kitchen. Just saying.

On  a totally different, non-venting note, my boys have been really awesome today. Really. There has been minimal bickering, screaming has been scarce, and for the most part, they are all getting along swimmingly. I explained personification to the fourth grader (in total teacher style- whiteboard and all) and he actually got it. He even thanked me for "telling it" to him in a way he could understand. Apparently, his teacher, whom assured us that she was familiar with Asperger's, does not feel that a fourth grader should have issues with literary devices. REALLY? One of the symptoms of the syndrome is " taking figures of speech literally." GROWL. Ok, I am done with the venting for real this time. I promise. As I was saying, the boys are all goodness and light this evening. I still have actual bedtime to endure before saying it was a great night, but maybe I'll bribe them with a snack. I know snack bribery works on me.